Why the Dutch people cried
Two years ago, twenty Dutch friends and family flew to Cebu, Philippines for our wedding ceremony. I was very excited to show them my city. We had a full program laid out that included the best beach and island resorts, parties in upscale venues and the best sights and sounds Cebu has to offer.
So I was a bit miffed after the welcome dinner we organised for them in a top resort when I asked them if they were having a good time and most reactions were along these lines:
“Yes, we are having a great time. But it feels a bit strange to be in such a beautiful place and in a lavish party with all these food when there is so much poverty a few meters away once you drive out of these gates.”
Towards the end of that night my brother-in-law, having imbibed a little bit too much alcohol as well, approached me with a wad of bills outstretched in his hands and with tears in his eyes he pleaded, “There are so much poor people here, please give this to them, please.” That night has become part of the wedding memory stuck in my head all these years.
Anyone who has travelled to a third world country is quite familiar with the following scenes and there are no shortages of footage on international news cables as well. Children knocking on car windows begging for money and food, chaos in public transport systems, messy networks of electric wires and power cables spanning the skyline, the list goes on. And if you’ve lived and grown up in these places as I’ve had, you become desensitized to it. You can even lead a lifestyle out of touch from this kind of reality that surrounds you everyday, something far removed from the eighty percent who live in poverty. All within a few kilometers from each other.
In the last two weeks since I got back here in Cebu, and as I drive out everyday from the gated subdivision where I reside, I pass by this young couple with a one-year old boy living under the flyover less than two kilometers away. They survive by begging on the streets and sleeping on cardboard boxes at night without blankets. This is nothing new to me. I grew up to these sights so why is it bothering me now?
I see the mess of black cables lending a third-world vista to our skyline and I think of the families who own the electric power supply, cable and phone companies. They live in palatial mansions with a coterie of house helpers and send their children to the most expensive private schools and it makes me wonder, what do they think about when they drive through the streets and see the ugliness they’ve created?
Politicians’ names are shamelessly emblazoned on skywalks, flyovers and bridges as constant reminders to its citizens lest they forget who initiated those projects. As if it was their very own funds used to erect it. These lawbreakers makers own city and beach houses and sprawling farming lands in the countryside. They spend their holidays abroad and send their children to universities in London and America. Do we need to ask who is paying for all of those? What if they get decent and honest paying jobs, even as top-level managers of corporations, would they still be able to lead the same lifestyles? And why won’t they get their act together to improve the plight of the country’s poor?
How do they feel driving around in their gas-guzzling, air-conditioned SUV’s when they have clearly failed the people they campaigned so hard to serve and the country they’ve profited so much from with their businesses?
I always thought that over time, as when you’ve seen more of the world and have travelled enough to understand the co-existence of wealth and poverty and the reasons why some countries have wider gaps in living standards among its people compared to others, you become less critical and judgmental and you attempt to rationalize and understand things at an intellectual level.
I come from this third world place and it’s hard to be rational about it. I’ve never been a patriot but Cebu has a special place in my heart. I believe in taking care of the square meter we revolve around in. I believe in leaving this world and the places we live in a better condition than when we arrived. This country is one of the most beautiful on earth and the Filipinos are some of the kindest people on this planet. There is so much potential to make it a liveable place for everyone, not only as the wealthy people’s playground.
On the plane ride from Singapore to Cebu, I overheard two Americans talking to each other.
One asked, “Do you like it here?”
The other replied, “It’s one of the poorest and dirtiest countries I’ve been to. But the people are good.”
Why is it always the foreigners who see these things?
I look back to that night when our culture-shocked Dutch guests were in tears, quietly brooding the changing landscapes of manicured gardens and swimming pools that glisten at night vis-à-vis the poverty of the masses. I don’t feel insulted anymore as I did back then.
I finally understand why the Dutch people cried.
Thank you Mega. It’s been a busy three-months but it’s all good. Hope all is well with you and CW. :)
Hi Roel,
Thank you for letting me know all of that, it means a lot. Holland has taught me so much and given me a glimpse of what is possible and I will continue to hope for a better Philippines — though it might take quite long. I look forward to a Dutch reunion in Cebu once again — though I can’t promise that a lot has changed since your last visit. But all things considered and to a greater extent, it is the company that counts and we had such a great time with all of you. Here’s looking to more soon, do visit us in KL as well in the near future. We’d love to have you, Eva and little Roos. :)
Hi Melinda,
As you know I was one of the lucky Dutch guys at your fantastic Wedding in Cebu and Boracay:-) Reading your story brings back all great memories of this smashing event.
Looking back and reading your thoughts then and now I can totally understand that you felt insulted by that time putting so much trouble in organising the Wedding. and then getting such a ” Dutch” response:-)
Just to let you know, Eva and I felt very priviliged being there and that we were part of Arnout and you getting married. We have been on many wedding events, but you are in the Top 2, with my own wedding at number one:-)
I do hope to go back one day to the Philippines to experience the vibe of the Ph. once again!
All the best, Hope to visit you and your family soon in KL
Roel
Love reading your blog, I feel energized reading your positive thoughts. Thanks for your effort putting in online and share it. Best Wishes for your move.
We will keep on hoping, Kathy. It helps to remind ourselves how blessed we already are having traveled and lived in different locations and thus, be more compassionate really. I hope you’re having a great time with your family too in NZ. :)
What an extraordinary, compassionate and succinct take on the human condition. He wasn’t called a genius for nothing. Thank you for sharing Cecilia.
Your piece touched my heart Melinda!
A few days ago I received this quote via a friend, and I think we all should be inspired by this in relation to your post;
“What an extraordinary situation is that of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he feels it. But from the point of view of daily life, without going deeper, we exist for our fellow men — in the first place for those on whose smiles and welfare our happiness depends, and next for all those unknown to us personally with whose destinies we are bound up by the tie of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labours of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving. I am strongly drawn to the simple life and am often oppressed by the feeling that I am engrossing an unnecessary amount of the labour of my fellow-men. I regard class differences as contrary to justice and, in the last resort, based on force. I also consider that plain living is good for everybody, physically and mentally.”
Albert Einstein, The World as I see it
I guess it will take much more imagination and humanity to really share our worldly goods with those less well off – I do hope humankind becomes much kinder in our very near future! But knowing more of the world helps. A long time ago I travelled in Nepal and met some kids
who told me all they wished to do was to go to school but their parents couldn’t pay for it. I couldn’t fathom this of course but ignorant young travellers that we were, we gave them all we had on us – maybe 10 nz dollars and a pencil, they cried. I never forgot, maybe it helped me understand the world a little better – great post Melinda
Yes Dheza, I agree with you. We can only do so much. We don’t have to save the world, no one can do that. But we can take care of our own backyard, our square meter, and start from there.
Hi Lisa, yes, I took the photo with their consent. We help them in our own little way by giving them food and warm clothing for the chilly nights. We are currently looking for a place for them to stay. It’s also sad that since the past two days we’ve been searching for accommodation no one wants to take them in as tenants. Our staff is hopeful that she may have found a place for this family today. The guy is from Bohol, a neighboring region, not from Cebu. He recently lost his job as a carpenter and so he is unable to provide for his family. Once they are settled in a little place of their own, we will provide employment for him and give him the dignity of supporting his family as opposed to receiving dole outs from people on the streets.
Hi Suzy, it is heartbreaking indeed. And there is no end to man’s greed, specially in this part of the world. There is a lack of political and moral will among the Philippines’ so-called leaders who are still stuck in the dark and medieval ages, with its history of corruption among government officials. The only way for them to stay in power is to keep the rest of the masses ignorant and uneducated. The export of Filipino workers is one of the major contributing factors that keep the economy afloat. Family reconciliation, in this aspect, will always be far from the government’s agenda. There are good people around ~~ but we need lots of them.
What I mean to say is if you took the photo I hope you did it with their consent.
It’s heartbreaking that there is still a big gap between how people live and exist. I do wonder about this couple on the street, did you take the photo? Do they know you took the photo? I hope you did, and I hope that you let them know that there are decent people in the world.
Melinda, this is such a compassionate piece. And I exactly know how you feel. Sometimes when I splurge on things, I think of our people back home and feels guilty about my actions. Unfortunately, we can only do so much. And that’s the hardest thing about it.
Oh Melinda, I expected a post from you about scuba diving….and I have often wondered how it is possible to reconcile living the lifestyle of the lucky few there. Of course I am crying as I read this and as you know I have become acutely aware of the hardship faced by Filipinos. Sadly, unlike other countries, it is not easy to point to signs of progress and believe that life is improving. The choice so many face is living (barely) in poverty or desperately exporting family members to survive. This heartbreaking cycle continues.
For a country with such potential, why can’t this transformation happen, or at least start?